I have not forgotten the blog! Really, I haven't! So, still with the "introduction" I'll include the talk I gave the Sunday before Calvin left. I am looking for the pictures and illustrations to go along with this talk - like the baptism picture mentioned - and I will add them as I find them. But for now, because I need some more posts in order for this to keep rolling along, here's the talk [with commentary in brackets]:
Before I begin this talk, I’d like to point out that every single woman in this branch has been a mother to my son at some point in his life so far. Each of you have taught him, guided him and nurtured him. I am grateful for the counsel, care, encouragement, support and love you have all expressed to Calvin over the last 14 1/2 years of his life here in the Greene Branch. Likewise, I express the same gratitude to the men in this branch for your acts of fatherhood. It has been wonderful to experience the phenomenon of the Greene Branch sending a missionary into the field, for Calvin truly belongs to all of us. [The Greene, NY Branch in our church truly is a wonderful group of people. I wish everyone could know such fantastic people.]
30 years ago I was given a school assignment titled “What I Want to be When I Grow Up.” It was impressed upon the eighth grade that this essay would require hours of research in the library (using the card catalog and other ancient means of finding at least 3 reliable sources). The essay would count as a grade for our English class and a copy of the essay would be placed in our permanent file. I had no idea what a “permanent file” was. I imagined it was some top secret folder, that I would never be privy to, passed along from grade to grade, containing records of every act of misconduct or academic success I had ever committed. Something akin to the records kept in Heaven, but with more immediate, mortal consequences. How many 8th graders do you know who have an absolute, clear vision of what they want to be when they grow up? I did. I knew that I wanted to be a mother, but somehow I also understood that this particular assignment demanded the answer of a career outside the home. I agonized over this essay and I worried that my answer wouldn’t be good enough. With the encouragement and help of my mother I presented my final essay “I Want to be the Mother of a Mormon Missionary.”
As I have thought about this talk, images, thoughts and scriptures have come to my mind: the image of a child holding his father’s hand; the scripture Doctrine and Covenants 18:13-17; the divinely instituted rules having to do with ages and progression at those ages; common mother’s advice; and the prophetic counsel from David O. McKay in 1935 “No other success can compensate for failure in the home.” I have also agonized over whether or not I have adequately prepared my son to be the man he is to become.
The image of a child holding his father’s hand: The first time I heard Calvin bear his testimony was over the speaker in the foyer in the Owego building. I was sitting in the chair trying to calm a fussy Chantal and I heard this little 3 year old bearing his testimony. I prayed that he wouldn’t talk about dragons and dinosaurs - which he didn’t. I was touched that he had the desire to share that he knew Jesus loved him and that Heavenly Father loved him and that he loved his family.
The scripture Doctrine and Covenants 18:13-17
13 And how great is his joy in the soul that repenteth!
14 Wherefore, you are called to cry repentance unto this people.
15 And if it so be that you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring, save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father!
16 And now, if your joy will be great with one soul that you have brought unto me into the kingdom of my Father, how great will be your joy if you should bring many souls unto me!
17 Behold, you have my gospel before you, and my rock, and my salvation.
I have always been taught - and have always felt - that verse 15 means it is within the walls of our own homes that we do the greatest work of saving souls, whether we be a family of one, or a family of many. I have felt great peace when the Spirit whispers to me the truths of the saving work of the gospel. My heart is comforted by the promises that my family is eternal because of the binding, saving nature of the covenants and ordinances of the gospel found in the temple.
Divinely instituted ages of progression
Because this talk is primarily about being the mother of a mormon missionary, I will focus on the progression of a young man - though the ages are pretty much the same for all of us in the gospel.
8 years old is an important age in the gospel. It is at this age that God states children are accountable. Doctrine and Covenants 68:27 states: “And their children shall be baptized for the remission of their sins when eight years old, and receive the laying on of the hands.” I have to share that when Calvin had a primary lesson on baptism the handout was a line drawing with a father and a son in the water for the children to color. The drawing was of just the torsos and I’m assuming the intent was for the children to color the water. Calvin, being Calvin, had to add his own personal touch to the page. He drew in the boy’s legs and feet and then added a sort of monster coming up with jaws wide open. Todd was sorely tempted to tug on Calvin’s pants just before he baptized him! [This is one of the mementos I am searching for. I know it's somewhere in the recesses of our attic room, probably between here and Narnia by now.] When Calvin approached 8 years old, I saw a difference in him. I saw his reasoning skills improve, I saw him better able to discern between right and wrong. I saw the Holy Ghost’s influence on him as he made decisions. His decisions were no longer those of a small child, but those of an older child trying to choose the right. I began to see the wisdom of the Lord’s appointed ages of progression.
12 years old brought the Aaronic Priesthood, and the office of a Deacon, and Calvin begin to learn of his priesthood responsibilities. I watched Calvin grapple with larger decisions, and strive to keep the standards as he saw his friends begin to test their wings and push the limits. Calvin cringes when we replay tapes of “Whose Line is it Anyway” from mutual activities when he was this age. He was an enthusiastic, high-pitched, giggly boy, infatuated with the older young women and so excited to be with the big kids! Todd found photos of Calvin’s first temple trip the other day, He was dressed in his father’s dress pants and white shirt (with the cuffs of the shirt rolled up a few times and the pants cinched tight with a belt). [Again, another photo I'm looking for.] At this age, Calvin was given the responsibility to act in Christ’s stead as he passed the sacrament. I have begun a list of youth who were called of God at a very young age. Samuel the biblical prophet was given to the prophet to serve the Lord by his mother. Joan of Arc was young when she was called of God to save her people. Christ was in the temple teaching at age 12. Joseph Smith saw God and Jesus at the age of a deacon.
At 14 Calvin was ordained as aTeacher and his priesthood responsibilities increased. He also began to go to stake youth activities. I watched Calvin increase in maturity; his voice deepened, the gap between his standards and his friends’ standards grew wider, he began to grow taller than me (finally) and he felt a greater weight of responsibility. The decisions facing him were even more crucial to set the stage for his future.
When he turned 16, he waited a few months before he was ordained to be a Priest. He worried that he wasn’t worthy to officiate in those priesthood responsibilities. His gift of discernment intensified. He was old enough to date and to begin learning to drive. He grew even taller and surpassed his dad. We were getting ready to bring Sophie into our family and I was amazed at how kind and concerned he was with my health and safety. As soon as he found out I was pregnant with Sophie he began to hold my arm to steady me whenever we went out. He carried grocery bags in for me. Literally as soon as he found out I was pregnant he was very concerned for my safety and health. He stood outside the bathroom door to wait and see if I was pregnant and as soon as I said I was, he said, "Here Mom, let me take those bags for you." I could see that he was really thinking about how this pregnancy was affecting me. It was also at this time that two of his friends were bringing a baby into their relationship. Calvin saw two very different consequences of pregnancy and I think he realized even more how much of a difference his decisions and the decisions of his friends made. This was also the year that he went by himself to Idaho for the summer. I was very nervous for him to fly all by himself (not to mention I really wanted him around in case he had to drive me to the hospital because his dad was out of town on a business trip). When he came home in August, I could see how he had grown and matured even more over the summer. He was also very concerned about his relationship with Sophie. He was concerned that he wouldn't be as close with her as he was with Chantal or Miranda. He has spent a lot of time with Sophie to make sure she knows he loves her and that he is her brother.
Last year, at age 18, he received the Melchizedek Priesthood and was ordained to the office of an Elder. As he has exercised his priesthood in our behalf this past year I have seen even greater growth in his spirituality and his decision making. He has grown intellectually and matured even more. We have had quite the conversations and discussions about more advanced ideas and thoughts. I have seen more of the man he will become and I realize how blessed I am to be the mother of this child.
As I have watched Calvin (and my daughters) progress through the age-defined stages of the church, I have seen at each stage the wisdom of the Lord’s timing, and how those ages define divine growth. I marvel at the wisdom of the Lord, and each time one of my children reaches one of these age-steps I am reminded again of why each step happens at that particular age. Calvin is pretty much the same at home and at school as he is at church. Though the topics he discusses at school somewhat differ from those he talks about at church, his actions are consistent. He is kind and respectful to everyone (even his sisters) and he lives the gospel standards daily, wherever he is.
I wanted to share some common motherly advice and my interpretations of that advice:
Always put on clean underwear. To me this means make sure you wear your garments in purity and that you keep yourself clean.
Brush and floss! Brushing and flossing are like repentance. There’s the repentance for the “big stuff” which is like brushing. But according to our dental hygenist it’s the flossing that is really important, because flossing gets the little stuff that can add up over time and destroy your teeth. So repent about the little things, because the little things can add up and drag you down.
Make your bed. Just as laying down each night in a clean bed is nice, and it makes your room look neater, if you have some semblance of order in your life it helps you to keep things in perspective when life gets chaotic and unexpected events derail your life.
Always bring extra socks. Be prepared for emergencies both physically and spiritually. Honor your priesthood and live so that if you are called upon for help you are ready to do so.
Wear a hat and gloves when it’s cold. To me this is like putting on the armor of God.
Eat your vegetables. If you are physically healthy and eat well, you are promised in Doctrine and Covenants 89
3 Given for a principle with promise, adapted to the capacity of the weak and the weakest of all saints, who are or can be called saints.
18 And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones;
19 And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures;
20 And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint.
21 And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them. Amen.
Be kind to others: Love others as Jesus does.
Grandma Esther always closed her letters that she wrote to me while I was in college with: “Read your scriptures and say your prayers.” She knew that if I was doing just those two simple things that I could continue to have the Holy Ghost with me to guide me, to direct me, and to keep me safe.
Follow the rules! They are there to protect you. As I was writing notes for this part, I was sharing it with Dylan and he said, “Follow the rules. You’ll be safe or it will hurt less.” Doctrine and Covenants 82:10 says “I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise.”
Stop and ask directions! Ask the people who know. Ask your mission president, ask the people who have gone before you, ask the people who have held the calling before you, read the handbook. You are not in this alone. There are people and books and scriptures that the Lord has placed here for you so you can find directions and know what to do.
Make good friends. Surround yourself with people who will help you keep your standards. Yes, you can love everyone as Christ did, but he surrounded himself with friends who uplifted him and supported him in his calling as the Saviour.
Don’t touch the hot stove. Remember the list we wrote? Why I touched the stove: “I had to touch it so I knew it was bad for me.” “I couldn’t help myself, the burners were so attractive!” “I can always touch the stove and heal later.” Stay away from sin, the prophets have counseled to stay firmly on the side of good and far away from the line of demarcation between good and evil.
If you swear I’ll wash your mouth out with soap. There are sometimes unpleasant consequences for our actions.
Reverence God and Christ. Keep them foremost in your mind. We are all representatives of Christ. We need to remember that those who do not have the gospel will judge the church by how we act towards them.
And the prophetic counsel from David O. McKay in 1935 “No other success can compensate for failure in the home.”
I have also agonized over whether or not I have adequately prepared my son to be the man he is to become.
I think these are self - explanatory.
Remember the Five-finger Testimony?
Here is my testimony on the fingers of one hand:
.1. I know that God is our Father in Heaven and that He loves us.
.2. Jesus Christ is His Son, our Savior and Redeemer.
.3. Joseph Smith is a prophet of God. He translated the Book of Mormon by the gift and power of God.
.4. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the Lord’s Church on the earth today.
.5. The living prophet is [President Thomas S. Monson].
Sidney S. Reynolds April 2003 General Conference; "I Can Pray to Heavenly Father Anytime, Anywhere."
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